Fade

I look out my window

Feeling at my all-time low

I sit and watch the sunrise

The rays hitting exactly where you lie

Everyday I count the miles

Wishing for a recount all the while.

 

The distance between us grows farther every day

And now you work to keep your heart at bay

So I try to do the same

How much longer must we keep up this charade?

You’ve left me in the water

Now I’ve been abandoned to drown

 

Am I losing you?

You have no idea what I’m going through

Don’t you see?

You lose a part of yourself in forgetting me.

 

You’re the one who told me first

We’d keep in touch but now its worse

It’s all a mystery to me

What you and I were meant to be

But even though we’re so far away

I can’t bring myself to say

Goodbye

Ten Rules of Estrogen

1. The girl who throws the first hit is never the victim.
2. The girl who gets hit first is immediately the victim.
3. The girl with the more pitiful tears is always the damsel in distress.
4. The girl who walks away first is either a pacifist or coward.
5. The girl who strikes while the opponent’s back is turned is an unfair coward.
6. The girl who tells the world, “You’re wrong” is often wrong.
7. The girl who tells the most threats is quite intent on doing none of them.
8. The girl who claims to bring in reinforcements is either a coward or a girl with resources.
9. The girl who yells and makes a scene is either a coward or a drama queen.
10. The girl who cusses the most is always running out of verbal ammunition. (i.e. vulnerable to takedown within twenty seconds.)

The Girl in the Blue Bikini

She wishes She hadn’t come to the pool.

She wishes She had brought sunscreen.

She wishes She could be like The Girl in the Blue Bikini.

 

The Girl in the Blue Bikini is laughing and smiling.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini is surrounded by her friends.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini is perfectly tan.

 

She notices how the boys try to impress The Girl in the Blue Bikini.

She notices how the girls try to borrow makeup from The Girl in the Blue Bikini.

She notices how the entire poolside party revolves around The Girl in the Blue Bikini.

 

The Girl in the Blue Bikini is approached by a tall good-looking boy.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini is hugging the tall good-looking boy.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini is playfully tossed in the water by the tall good-looking boy.

 

She feels jealous as The Girl in the Blue Bikini is rescued by the tall good-looking boy.

She feels jealous as The Girl in the Blue Bikini gets a kiss from the tall good-looking boy.

She feels jealous as The Girl in the Blue Bikini has everything She could ever want.

 

The Girl in the Blue Bikini laughs and kisses the tall good-looking boy back.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini laughs and takes a picture with her friends.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini laughs and walks with confidence.

 

She looks and sees the tall good-looking boy yank The Girl in the Blue Bikini back to him.
She looks and sees the tall good-looking boy speak angrily to The Girl in the Blue Bikini.

She looks and sees the tall good-looking boy turn around and walk back to the party.

 

The Girl in the Blue Bikini fakes a smile and walks back to the party.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini fakes a smile and laughs at something her friends said.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini fakes a smile and surreptitiously wipes a tear away.

 

She understands that The Girl in the Blue Bikini is not happy.

She understands that The Girl in the Blue Bikini is trying too hard.

She understands that The Girl in the Blue Bikini is not real.

 

The Girl in the Blue Bikini looks at Her and smiles.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini looks at Her and looks sad.

The Girl in the Blue Bikini looks at Her and wishes that she could be like

Soul Speaker

Her mother walks in through the door.
Her mother yells about the mistake of having such a child.
Her mother laughs about the child's failures.
She slams the door after her mother's retreating figure.
She slams the door on love.
She slams the door on hope.
The air drops negative degrees.
The air tangles with her curly hair.
The air bursts with cruel vengeance.
She throws a punch at the unforgiving wall; only too late does she remembers the promise she made.
She throws another punch but at her pillow; she knows the pain will not reach her here.
She throws herself upon the floor; she is numb by this point.
Turning around, she desperately looks for an escape route.
Turning around, she swears she smelled his sweet innocent scent.
Turning around, she falls to her knees in a beg for mercy.
Crying out, she sees the picture of them upon her desk.
Crying out, she snatches the picture and drives it through with her bare fist.
Crying out, she gently picks up the photo and kisses the jagged glass upon his cheek.
Picking up the broken glass, she clutches it in a death grip in her hand.
Picking up the broken glass, she holds her hand out over the seventeenth story window of her apartment.
Picking up the broken glass, she lets the glass fall to the ground in the pretty pattern that glass falls in.
She wonders if she'll ever fall in such grace.
She wonders if she'll ever use her right hand again.
She wonders if she'll ever see him again.
The mirror taunts her.
The mirror shows her blatant honesty.
The mirror is too bright for her to see.
Looking at her reflection, tears stain her smooth cheeks.
Looking at her reflection, she is blinded by hate.
Looking at her reflection, she shatters the glass into a million sparkling pieces.
The glass falls all around her.
The glass falls upon her face and leave a signature of red.
The glass falls but still reflects a million more honest copies of herself.
Empty is the will she used to have.
Empty is the hollow heart of hope.
Empty is the air as she falls from seventeen stories.
Glorious is the thrill of wind against her skin.
Glorious is the thrill of speed out of control.
Glorious is the thrill of the blessed end.

He said, She said.

"I have to leave," he said.
A part of her died.
"But I love you," he tried.
"I hate you," she lied.
"I'm trying to save you!" he cried.

 

He was hurt.
She was the first.

He held her tight.
She did not fight.

He was so confused.
She felt so misused.

He thought it was the right thing to do.
She felt her heart break right in two.

He cared too much.
She was so prone to hurt and such.

He gave what he called freedom.
She received damnation.

He let her cry on his shoulder.
She leaned on him, the ungiving boulder.

He held her heart and kissed her cheek.
She knew she would not last a week.

He took her hand and led her out of the darkness.
She felt alone and so worthless.

He wanted to tell her the truth.
She felt she had nothing to lose.

He kept to himself.
She hated herself.

 

"I'm sorry," she tried.
"Me too," he lied.
A part of him died.
"Please save me," she cried.
"I tried," he sighed.

Baby Sweetheart Darling

 

Baby let me see your hands

Free of blood but not of your own

Nothing a Band-Aid couldn’t fix

If life were only that easy.

 

Sweetheart hear me out

I’ve just realized

You’re completely clueless

If life were only that innocent.

 

Darling talk to me

If you can’t communicate with sound

How can you communicate without?

If life were only that careful.

 

Endearment of mine

Your cross has become too heavy to hold

I’d say lean on me

If life were only that caring.

Dial Tone

  *Phone rings*

Hey. I’m not here right now.

Leave me a message aiight?

*Beep*

 

Hey let me tell you something

You’ll probably find it boring

But darling, darling

Pick up that calling

 

I’m so tired of being alone

I’m so tired of talking to that dial tone

Boy, you got yourself into this

You were the starting of the risk

 

You said you’d be there

But like all others, you couldn’t play fair

I hate being timed after the beep

It’s gotten so bad that I can hardly sleep

 

I’ve been waiting for ages

Hoping this was one of your ten thousand phases

But hope never got too far

I have no idea where you are

 

I’m giving it up all to you

You’ll break my heart again, it’s the best that you do

What an amazing talent

You shatter them all to the ground, but you manage to find your balance

 

How do you do that?

The story’s almost over

You never found that four leaf clover

 

Save your breath

You’ll need it for your next test

I can see through that little white lie

Boy, it’s time to say goodbye

Another

You’ve heard this more than once

So let me break into your ignorance

Open your eyes and look at the facts

Or else you’ll just fall through the cracks

 

You don’t want to be alone

But you just don’t answer the phone

I’m sitting here waiting

Just idle anticipating

 

You made it clear

But I can see you under that fear

But it’s not even that my friend

You haven’t reached the end

 

No matter how hard I try

I can’t help but cry

And every night you hit and run

When will you stop to see what you’ve done?

 

‘Cause you’re just blind

No one knows what you want to find

Sweet dreams and sleep tight my dear

But in those dreams nothing will disappear

 

Go on and ditch your mistakes

Let’s just see how long it will take

Till you realize

All your victims are paralyzed

 

Drop and run

Seems the height of your fun

It’s not only you, I also lack in some

My fault of wanting protection and satisfaction

So kill me now before you run out of time

And get rid of that bind

Drive

Stop. Calm down. Look at me.

Take the wheel.

Breathe.

I wonder if life’s the same? I wonder if in just one moment, I’ve discovered ten words that can describe the way we strive to live for each other. Life’s just a long road trip down to either Hell or Heaven. Whether you like it or not, the drive is going to have some technical difficulties: you being the car and fate being the terrain. Sometimes it’s going to be a little rocky; sometimes it’s going to be forgivingly smooth. Now, say that you’ve been driving a little bit slow to enjoy the smooth part of the road for a while, but you want to go a little faster. So, you start to speed up a little bit, and a little bit and a little bit more.

You start to lose control.

We hit the brakes, but in life there are no brakes attached. You cannot reverse or pause on the road that keeps moving, no matter how ready or unprepared you are. When you start losing speed and start getting back to a normal pace, the road inclines. The road becomes unrelentingly rocky. And just when we think we won’t make it, we reach the top of the hill to make a smooth recovery going back down. We must work to deserve that downhill. When does the road end? That’s where it gets complicated. We’ll run out of gas, take a wrong turn, run into a dead end, or lose control.

It’s just that simple.

Where is life taking you now? Nowhere? Or somewhere that you aren’t sure of yet? How fast are you going, miles per hour? A steady slow forty-three? Or a jarring ninety-five? I wonder if you’d get arrested if you went over the speed limit. But then again, I see no sign with a speed limit; I merely see a sign, suggesting a relatively safe speed, that’s been knocked down by a battered car. No matter how many times people give us hints and advice, we end up shoving the bits and pieces of words aside and we try to live our own ways. We want to be strong and independent. And so, if we are not strong and independent, we pretend that we are.

We are allowed to cry.

Say that there’s a Dear on the road in front of you: right in front of your car. You can’t swerve in time to avoid hitting the Dear. You hit the Dear. Since you cannot stop driving forwards, you strain your eyes to the rearview mirror and see the damage you’ve caused. You’ve just hit an innocent bystander. In the process, the car has been dented—scarred—with the imprint of an unnecessary death forever etched into your heart and your car. There will be more accidents and more scars added. But a time will come when you’ll become better at driving around the innocent and you’ll be able to prevent injury and learn from mistakes.

It may be a one-way road, but you are not alone.

Someone will always be driving in front or in back of you. Try rolling your window down and try reaching out to talk to someone in front or in back of you. It’s not in the least bit scary, and it’s very rewarding. The person up ahead, or behind you, is lonely too. We all suffer, though not at the same time, and it makes us need a companion to stay by our sides until that road stops stretching. We have to have friends, ones that we can rely on. Some will drive away from you eventually, but others will come and stay forever by your side.

We are all human; therefore, we are weak.

Have you ever seen a car accident happen right in front of your eyes? When cars collide, the impact is astonishing. No one can even describe the smashing and crumbling of the invincible Volvo and the absolute demolition of the Dodge Caravan. No. Physically, a car crash is devastating and horrifying. Mentally, a car crash is fatal and life changing. Everything is weak and vulnerable in its own sense; humans just seem to be at the top of the rung. You see the cars speeding towards each other. You call out in shock, but you already know the outcome. The drivers’ faces turn from one of weary irritation at traffic to those of terrified panic. The cars smash into a formation much like that of two crumpled accordions. The image is heartbreaking. The drivers are in their own state of death; blood is splattered on the hard black cement of the road and the two people are sagging against their seatbelts that they’d put on in hopes of safety.

Life’s a story of death.

Introduce the black dresses and veils and see where that will lead any of you. You clothe yourself in your agony and despair while shielding your face with a gauzy netted material. Will that protect you? A friend perished on the spot of the accident and you’re going to attend the funeral. How good of a friend is—was—this person to you? Did this friend deserve your best black dress? Should you even bother with the veil? You drive down to the funeral and notice that, when you got there, the amount of people gathered there for one person is astounding. And they are all crushed in spirits. You sit in your car and tears run down your face as you think about this. If one person can cause this much pain to this vast amount of people, then imagine the state our world must be in.

The world is happily ignorant.

Such a place can only be filled with bittersweet pleasures that sedate our wailings for oh so long. So you strive to find something better to soothe your ache for something sweet: love. There is a large controversy as to what love truly can be defined as. Some say love is a cold two-faced emotion that is a person’s weakness. Some say that love is a beautiful gift to be shared with just the right person. Others define love as a fleeting thing to be caught and carpe diem-ed into one night stands. There’s no clear definition for it, but yet the world acknowledges its existence. Amazing, is it not? With love, even the long dreary car ride on the road of life can be bearable.

But most people often fail to see that in order to love, you must be willing to forgive.

You must be willing to say sorry. If you decide to cut someone on a road or accidentally forgot it was someone else’s time to drive at a turn, then you must be willing to say, “I’m sorry.” But you must also be willing to say, “I forgive you,” or “it’s all right.” Sometimes it’s not so easy to forgive or admit apology. That is the lesson of life the world must learn. Mistakes happen all over the world. Mistakes happen every passing second. Someone could have given birth to an illegitimate child right now as you finish this sentence. Someone could have taken a wrong turn on the way to work. A student might have copied down the wrong assignment for the next Biology class. Mistakes are rampant in this society, therefore you must have the ability to say, “I forgive you” as you yourself make mistakes every moment of your own life.

Breathe. Ease your foot off the brake.

Slowly push down on the accelerator.

Now.

Go.